The Power of Love

"Join in, each listening only to his own words,hearing only himself speaking ... Utterly futile. I believe only what I know, I believe only what I think, I believe only what I say, I believe only what I feel. Surely, there are other things but they would bother me. I’d have to bend my mind. Utterly futile." — Goethe, First Epistle

Following a long period of reflection as I was traveling in China and Asia, I have begun to write about some of my working experiences in the field of Metaphysics and in the Complementary, Alternative and Holistic approach to Wellness and Inner Wellbeing. No matter which continents or countries I traveled through, I enjoyed observing and getting to know the specific way of life, the expression of different religions, the baring of unusual climates and the special patterns that shape the attitude and the behavior of people. Regardless of these fascinating differences I have consistently found a common ground in the fabric of each individual. That is the NEED FOR LOVE.

Love is the most mysterious of human emotions. How to love? How to receive love? How to express love? How to handle love? There is one single answer. IT ALL STARTS WITHIN.

Let us begin with falling in love which is known as the most exhilarating experience in life. It is also known as blindness to reality! This delightful bliss makes us believe that we have found the best partner available on the human market! It takes us high, to being "crazy" about each other and it takes us down when our hopes turn into disappointments and our excitement loses its intensity. But, why should we stay in our failures, deep-seated into loneliness and separateness, craving for love again and again?

Let’s choose to learn, to understand, to improve. It is never too late.... Surely love has to be more than this overwhelming feeling, more than this irresistible attraction, more than this emotional surge.

What can we do to "stay in love?" What can we do to "stand and remain in love?" All the same questions, over an over and seldom the answers ----- I have news for you!

We have choices ... choices to learn. We can learn "the theory" of loving. We can learn "the practice "of loving and or better, w e can combine both together, to find the right equilibrium and preserve our own emotional integrity.

TO BE, OR NOT TO BE? Who are you? Are you a theoretician ... Are you a practitioner ...

Know that the theoretician loves mentally:

• When I think I do not feel.....
• I love because I am loved.....
• I love you because I need you ....

The practitioner loves emotionally

• When I feel, I do not think....
• I am loved because I love.....
• I need you because I love you ...

Surely you can find out w ho you are and h ow you are w hen you love! I hope you enjoyed reading about this aspect of love which is partly an expression of our spleen energy, but observing it with a blend of mental energy.

A second form of love is widely popular and not so fortunate, narcissistic love. "What GUTS people have not to be like ME! Why don’t they change just to be like me and see things the way I do? I know I’m right! Why do they insist in using their own brain when they could use mine? Why don’t they move beyond their limitations and their resistance so they can be a ’true being’ like me?" These are the unspoken words in the mind of a narcissist.

Let’s face it! There is such a broad range of beliefs, behaviors and conflicts within mankind how can we find love without any challenge? When we insist on always being right it means that the others around us are wrong. Narcissistic people think that we are normal and acceptable only when we are like them. We are normal when we go to their church, or we are not normal if we don’t play golf like them. There are so many ways of living, of being, so many ways of loving. It’s always in the eyes of the beholder to determine what is functionally normal and acceptable.

Those who are narcissistic definitely think they are the only ones to be truly normal. Their preconception prevents them from being flexible. They have difficulties in accepting new perspectives and opinions. Their orientation makes them think and experience as real only what exists within their narcissistic selves. What happens around them is not reality for them unless they agree. Narcissism is found in the inability to be objective and in the failing of having an objective view of the outside world. It is what is called "the distortion of reality". It leads them to judge everything only by one standard: their own belief and action. It makes them justify their deeds, good or bad, within the framework of their own manifested noble goals.

Little do they know that life would become much richer if they stopped resisting true reality — that being open and flexible, they would not have to be so stubborn. Why not be who we are and not who we think we are or who we want to be? Why not just "BE"?! --- Objective, sensitive, and responsive towards ourselves and others?!

There is no such thing as love without challenge. Do you know that in human relationships "likes often attract likes"? It is what is called the "mirror effect." Narcissism attracts narcissism, naturally. Each one finds his or her own reflection in the other. This infatuation / union helps the "Club" to spiral rapidly into the "Narcissistic Tribe".

Does this sound familiar to you? Are you already a member of the Club? Would like to join? — I hope not! Do you know people like this??...!!!...

I hope you enjoyed reading about this aspect of "so-called" love --- not such a nice one --- Don’t we all have that little tendency --- Maybe - maybe not!

It is, however, a common, yet not completely uninteresting type of love, since it teaches us good lessons. It is an expression of our mental body overshadowing our emotional selves.

And then there is an irrational love which is a component of specific factors that makes us travel to the unsettled places of the heart where only Pseudo Love can be found and experienced. This is i dolatrous love or "Folie a Deux". There is hardly anybody who did not once experience this specific aspect of love either as a child, an adolescent or an adult, each time through different circumstances and at a different time in life.

We all go through very similar processes as far as Love is concerned until lastly, we gain the validation of our personal worth from a relationship based on a healthy collaboration, treating each other with courtesy and attempting to make each other happy, creating a haven against aloneness. Falling into the trap of "Idolatrous Love" is very easy! When one has not reached a sense of self identity, one tends to idolize the loved one while alienating one’s own power, projecting it into the chosen partner who is being worshiped at the "summum bonum" and becomes the bearer of all love, all bliss and all light. Idolatrous Love only demonstrates the hunger and despair of the idolater! A mutual idolatry is the perfect picture of a "Folie a Deux"!

"Daydream Love" is another tricky catch! For many couples, daydreaming is nothing else but fantasy. They enjoy reading about love stories, going to the movies, listening to love songs. As long as love is a "daydream," they feel as if they are participating. But as soon as it comes down to the reality of their own relationship, they become numbed. Some couples are moved by memories of their past together, although when this past was present, no real love was experienced. They were already fantasizing about their future.

There is a good lesson here. Why not live in the present instead of living in the past or in the future? Should not we all live in the "Now"? How is your own "Love Status"? Make a wish and live in the "Now"! Make it real.....

We are all looking for a greater side of loving and being loved. Although the collective ideal for men and women is to find unconditional love, behind the mask of respectability and faithfulness is the fury of neglected love. When two personalities meet it is as if mixing two chemical substances. If there is any serious combination at all, both become transformed — however, our human reality is made up of thousands of vulgarities that keep us in a lower elementals.

All the love issues in our lives are part of our heavy toll of lifetime suffering. No one is ever hurt more than they are by one’s own self inflicted mental and emotional reactions to life’s happenings. UNCONSCIOUSLY we carry our past with us. It’s only by CONSCIOUSLY making a significant effort that we can detach ourselves from this burden. What a tragic mistake to allow human relationships to degenerate into emotional chaos. Why not acknowledge our flaws, failures, tarnished feelings, disharmony and disappointments. Why not take a wiser approach and make a CONSCIOUS CHOICE to evolve into a better self. Only then can we start loving unconditionally.

It takes: A lot of understanding to forgive, A lot of forgiveness to truly understand, A lot of change through willingness, A lot of evolving by surrendering.

These CONSCIOUS CHOICES are ours to make. They enable us to love truly, deeply and UNCONDITIONALLY. UNCONDITIONAL love takes us to a much higher level.

Where are we in our life today? Do we still love CONDITIONALLY? .... I love you IF .... I love you WHEN.... Are we up to THAT LEVEL OF LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY?

Knowing that when we love UNCONDITIONALLY, we do not judge, but we accept. We do not criticize, but we speak kindly. We do not control, but we permit. We do not gossip, but we speak truthfully. We do not impose, but we offer. We do not abuse, but we help.

Wouldn’t our lives be better if we all made a CONSCIOUS DIFFERENCE?

Dr. Marie-France Hankinson provides private appointments for emotional, mental, spiritual and energetic therapy. Please visit her website at www.metaholistics.com for more information. — Dr. Marie-France Hankinson